I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
