I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
