i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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