I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
