you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
