Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
