were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
