You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
