I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
