You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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