omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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