he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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