Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
