goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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