You work out of a Hotel?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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