My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
