I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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