It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
