Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
