I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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