in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
