If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
