Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
