i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
