i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
