my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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