Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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