I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
