Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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