Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
