guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
