I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
