This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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