I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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