hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
