Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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