the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
