OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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