I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
