We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
