my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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