remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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