My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
