Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
