New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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