He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
