She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
