Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
