Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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