I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
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Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan