Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize