apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants