Will you blow on my dice?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.