i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
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My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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