this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.