dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
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My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
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You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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