Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
