Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
