Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
