They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
