I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
