Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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