May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
