I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
