Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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