Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
