So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
