you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
