I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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