The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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