does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
