Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
