i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
