and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
3 2 1 whiskey
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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