My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
