Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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