with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
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Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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