i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
