God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
