Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize