im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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