I hate all girls vehemently.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
