If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
