didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
