____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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